Are You Practicing Self-Judgment or Self-Compassion?

Just when it seems like I’m getting a handle on all of this “personal development,” something else shows up for me.

Through the work I’m doing in therapy, I’ve discovered that I have lots (and lots!) of self-judgment.  I don’t know a single person who is free of self-judgment, but that knowing doesn’t make it any easier for me.  

Don’t you find those negative self-judgments to be very sneaky at times?

Before you know it, we’re in a downward spiral.  It’s almost as if our minds have been hijacked by someone else.  

How could I have so much self-judgment when I’m such a compassionate person? Have you ever wondered that? Why don’t we have any compassion for ourselves?  

It gets even better…

I not only became aware of how judgmental I was of myself, but I was also judging my judgment. Isn’t that crazy?! My negative thinking only increased as I attacked myself for having that negative thinking. A slippery slope!  

Self-judgment is so damaging to each of us.  It depletes our energy, makes us lessfun to be around, but most of all, it eats away at our souls. Yuck!

My therapist suggested I check out Tara Brach’s RAIN of Self-Compassion.  Watching the video and listening to her soothing voice, I could easily see what I was doing to myself. (You’ll want to give it a peek too.)

After watching the video, he wanting me to start a “practice” of working through the steps of RAIN (recognize, accept, investigate, and nourish).  

At first, I faced some resistance. Don’t we all when facing something new? Once I opened myself up to the process, I was flooded with all the layers of my self-judgment.  It’s almost as if my self-judgment radar was finding it easier to detect it and alert me when it was happening.

The positive news is that the more I worked with The RAIN of Self-Compassion, I began to become more compassionate towards myself.  

It takes time to create the shifts that we desire in our lives.  Overnight change is not sustainable in the long term.

There is no right way or wrong way to practice self-compassion.  It’s all about becoming aware and being more compassionate towards yourself and recognizing and letting go of those old self-judgments..  

Acknowledge your challenges and let them go.  If you hold onto them, there’s a good chance that you might create a story about them which can land you in a loop of self-judgment.  

That’s not where I want you to be! If you can’t overcome it on your own, please reach out to me to talk.

How does self-judgment play out in your life?  Let me know in the comments below.

As always, should you have any questions or want to connect, you can reach me at

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