With being a fangirl of Michelle Chalfant, and the work she does through The Adult Chair, I was beside myself knowing I was going to attend The Adult Chair Weekend Intensive.
I was practically begging her to release the date so that I could get it on the calendar.
The feeling heading down the elevator to the event was a combination of nervous and excited. Knowing how powerful The Adult Chair model is, I set my intentions for the weekend…show up as myself, be willing to be vulnerable, listen deeply, get curious, and most of all, have fun.
As the elevator approached the lobby, I began to have doubts. I could slowly feel my limiting beliefs come into play. The nagging doubt that was raising its hand saying “Pick me!” was feeling like an outsider.
Who am I to believe that I could fit in?! Everyone else has to be much more “evolved” than I am.
What was happening to me? I was looking at my world through a self-created filter. A filter impacts the way in which we see our world. In this case, it was as if I was wearing goggles that showed me how everyone fit in but me. I was the outsider.
Don’t get me wrong, I can easily connect with people I don’t know. I consider this to be one of my superpowers when it’s in a one-to-one setting. But when it comes to a group setting, that’s when my filter shows up. My uncertainty kicks in.
Our childhood and adult experiences cause us to form strong beliefs about things, and this is how a filter gets formed.
Once the filter is formed, we only see our limitations – in this case, I am an outsider.
The tricky part with filters is that we look for experiences that validate the filter. An example could be seeing what looks like everyone connecting with each other, and being hesitant to join the group.
Without a doubt, looking at life through our filters holds us back. To move forward in our lives, we need to bust the filter.
We can do this by asking ourselves if the filter is true 100% of the time. Just one time of the filter not being true will begin to bust the filter.
Coming away from the weekend intensive having met a few new friends was a powerful step in busting my filter.
Once we begin to bust the filter, it’s important to work on creating a new belief. Instead of feeling like an outsider, I could create a new belief that it takes time to create new relationships. I may still feel like an outsider in group settings from time to time, but I will be more likely to move forward believing that I do fit in.
With the new belief in place, it’s important to anchor it in to reinforce it. You can do that by saying a mantra, placing a message on your phone’s screensaver, or working with someone to help you bust your filters and get on with your life.
Could you use support in removing filters in your life? Feeling that you want to live your life more fully? If so, you can start to turn that around by reaching out to me for support and guidance at firstname.lastname@example.org.