A Look Behind The Unraveling
It’s been said we truly don’t know what someone is going through unless we walk in their shoes. What we see on the outside most often doesn’t even begin to represent what’s happening in their internal world.
This is something I remind myself of over and over again, when what’s happening around me just doesn’t make sense. When I remember I really don’t know what’s behind what’s happening, it helps me to have much greater compassion.
I want to share more of my story to allow you to see what this may look like. It’s possible you may see yourself in my story. If that’s the case, know that you are not alone.
When I wrote The Midlife Unraveling, I had no idea how much attention it would garner. It was confirmation that what I’ve been through was something many others were experiencing.
This blog is a follow-up to The Midlife Unraveling where I began to share my story. Since writing that blog, the unfolding continued which has allowed me to connect deeply to my experience.
For anyone who’s not read The Midlife Unraveling, it’s where I shared about the unraveling of my marriage. It unfolded over a span of ten years or so (*link shared below if interested in reading).
After almost 32 years of marriage there was an amicable end to what I knew, and what was much of my identity. A marriage that ended in what we both call a success story.
Since then I’ve been able to connect at a deeper level to what I was feeling during the years leading up to the end of the marriage.
I felt so much guilt and shame around not being a good enough wife. With not having a desire for intimacy, I made meaning that there was something wrong with me. I can now see the lack of desire had much depth behind it, which I’m slowly discovering.
But in my mind how could I desire more for my life when what others saw looked good on the outside? On the inside, I was crumbling with so much self-judgment.
I didn’t know what to do with what I was feeling. I had not started therapy yet and was so HUNGRY TO BE HEARD.
I found myself sharing with others in the most random way, and then I would then find myself in a shame spiral after sharing. It was one huge roller coaster of emotion.
What I can see now is how important it is to find a person, or web of support to be able to share our story. Allowing our emotions to flow creates better health and well-being.
I walked alone on my path for way too long. My mission is to do what I can so others don’t have to feel so alone on their path.